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Do I even know who I am anymore?Have I become one with the charade that is my life?No I haven't. I've just buried the real me under everyone else's needs, problems and worries. She is still in here somewhere, hiding, pretending everything will be fine as long as no one knows she is still here. No one liked her so she changed, she became who everyone wanted her to be.The friend, the protector, the supporter, the comedian, the chauffeur, the chef, the perfect daughter but no one actually asked HER who she wanted to be. They assumed I was the real me not who they wanted me to be, no wonder I have anger issues honey.Being all those things, with people pulling me in a million directions at once, I will eventually crack and breakdown.Acting like happy families, being the brave one, the strong one everyone turns to with their problems, they never ask if I am hurting or if I have problems of my own to worry about.It isn't like I have problems of my own to deal with now do I?Oh that's right I. Such was the respect I had developed for them, their opinions and approval became very important to me.It was to this end that I took up with Emile - a 38 year old, bisexual, French man, who had come to live here in Leeds. He had been friends with Eduardo and Caitlin before he was friends with me, so he knew all about their involvement in my choice, and how close I was to them.Emile was very experimental and loved to try new things, he was also very dominant in the bedroom. Both qualities which held a strong attraction for me. He was 6’3” with long, thick dreadlocks, a peachy arse and a 42 inch chest. He was very muscular and he used it to dominate me in wonderful ways (that, though, is a whole different story). He was also attracted to both Caitlin and Eduardo.Now I will tell you about the couple who were fast becoming my mentors. Caitlin and Eduardo had been married for 27 years. Caitlin was a gentle lady who had a very respectable job, she appeared to be very proper and demure -.
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