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It's sohard. I don't know if I've just killed our marriage. Please forgiveme."There was silence again. Josh was waiting for me to say something. Forthe first time I knew I had respond to Josh, not by asking a questionof him, about his "condition," but by giving him an awareness of how Ifelt towards him at that moment. I had to let him know MY feelings. Andto be honest, I didn't know what they were. It was far too early tohave gotten my thoughts and feelings into any sort of an order. When wewent to bed that evening, I had the man I had loved all my life besideme, and now that had all changed. How, and in what way, I didn't havea clue. But definitely changed irrevocably. I certainly knew that Ididn't NOT love him any more. I couldn't stop loving him even in thelight of what I was hearing. But I needed to hold back on what I saidtill I had far more time to think things through. But I also knew I hadto find something to say. I needed time. I lay in silence. I had towork out how I. The lights soon dimmed, and spotlights came on over the stage. The crowd murmured with excitement as a Japanese man and a kimono-clad model entered the circle of light. Sensual Asian music began playing over the speakers as the man brought out a large assortment of ropes. I assumed this was a Shibari performance.I had only seen a few videos of Shibari that Jacque had shown me, so I was only vaguely sure what to expect. I was fascinated as he started to tie intricate rope patterns over her kimono and then had her lie down and started to make patterns of rope around her legs. I was fascinated, and that feeling of wanting to be the model like the woman in the painting at the gallery came back to me.A winch appeared above them and the man fastened it to one of the ropes. The model was raised off the floor slowly as the music continued. The man slowly spun her around several times then stopped her, grabbed the front of her kimono and roughly spread both sides, resulting in the ropes.
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