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“Now for my next anxiety,” I said glumly. “I know it’s only a matter of time before Children’s Services get involved in this case. Do you have any idea what my options are? Donald has a two bedroom apartment. That’s enough room for me or Lilly. Even if it was an option, staying with Patty and Dan is a terrible idea with Lana and Beck in the state they’re in. All my other relatives live in California or Honolulu and neither of those options will let me participate in the study.”“That’s a secondary concern, Matt,” she said dismissively.“Not to me, it’s not. The study has given me a college education, access to help and resources and more importantly, it’s given me purpose. I hold myself together some days just based on what I have on my plate for the study. Without it, I’d have spent these past weeks dwelling on everything I’d lost. ‘Arbeit macht frei’.”“Work sets you free,” she translated. “True enough. We’re getting distracted though. You’re right. Children’s Services can only be. "I realize that I just referred to you as a "boy" in past tense, likeyou're not a boy anymore! I guess I need to be careful and remindmyself that you're still a boy and my son, Taylor," she added."That's OK, mommy. I am starting to see myself as more of a girl thana boy, and I'm glad that you are too! Please don't stop thinking thatway, I love it," I said. "As a matter of fact, I just had a good"happy cry" in ballet class with some of the other girls and they cameover and hugged and supported me and I felt so feminine emotionally inthat moment. And it felt so right to me, like it's my nature and I'mnot just "pretending" to be a girl by dressing up like one. It's soweird, right?" I asked. "No, honey, it's not weird - it's just whoyou are. As I've said to you, we need to be constantly thinking aboutwhere all this is headed, but from what you just told me I think it'sclear that an occasional dress-up is not going to satisfy you. Youhave feminine thoughts and emotions on a much.
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