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When he didn't move, I said, "Now! I'm tired of you assholes. I want this thing finished to-day!"He scurried out, and returned a few minutes later with the head honcho. He saw me, and he, too, realized it was going to be a bad morning.I pulled out my written documentation, and then a videotape. "I recorded this the last time I was dragged down here. It clearly shows you and moron #2 here," I gestured to the assistant, "admitting I owed nothing in back taxes, and swearing on a stack I would NEVER be harassed again."I flipped the tape to him; he caught it, and I continued, "You solve it right fucking here, right fucking now, or so help me, when I leave here, I'm heading for the TV stations with a copy of that tape. I'm going to make your life hell."He cleared his throat, and began, "Sir, I'm really sorry about this..." Shut up, you incompetent motherfucker!" I spat. I got nose to nose with him. "You get this shit straightened out now. Last warning, asshole."I turned, put everything. Somewhere between ancient gods teaching humans to touch themselves and the rise of Christianity, masturbation had picked up a bad rep. Falsely accused of causing mental hysteria and even blurred visions or blindness, masturbation became everyone’s favorite whipping boy. Girls weren’t allowed to ride horseback or bicycles because the sensation was to similar to masturbation. Boys wore restraining belts to keep their hands away from their doodles. Fast forward to a millennium where you can get a rabbit with the click of a mouse, masturbation has a whole new following. I saw myself as following in the line of many woman before me. I don’t mean my mother or grandmother because that’s just nasty to think about them pleasuring themselves or grandpa. Since the ex-roommate had moved out, I was in total touch-myself heaven. Chase and I could screw each other until the cows came home, but I would never feel a smidgen of an ‘Oh god!’ feeling. Mostly I felt like a catalyst to his own ‘Oh god!’.
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