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Thereis no way I will ever give birth. The view in the mirror isstill too masculine. I don?t know if I could ever get ridor my beard or the rug that covers my body. I am too tall.My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone whois trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get beat upby someone who believes he is a ?real? man. Or I might justbe lucky enough just to get a snide remark. I need to bewith woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go tothe restroom in a public place it is with a sister or agirlfriend. I need to be with a man as his woman and knowthat he is or will be the father of my babies.I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born withthat genetic defect that said I should be playing with gunsand trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me neededto rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not tohurt anyone else so be what I appear to be even though thatgenetic defect eventually. Sometimes I would be in the truck all day, and others inside looking up parts.There was one day where we were just busy enough where I was needed to take a delivery way across town. It was at least an hour away. We were the only dealership that had the part and he was willing to pay the mileage, so off I went.We only had pagers back then, so basically I was on my own unless I pulled over and used a pay phone, or called from a customer’s line. I was on my way south of the city to a garage near Tully. I wasn’t really paying attention to much other than the music. Before I knew it I was there. The so called hour drive was actually under 30 minutes. I took care of the paperwork, collected the money and left. I was on my way back when I remembered that I had forgotten to call in and let them know that the delivery was done. I was thinking of pulling over and finding a pay phone or something, then I changed my mind.There was this “Adult” book store in town that I had driven past many.
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