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Her self esteem was always low, and she hated her body, and so she took to wearing revealing clothing and hiding up alleyways, where she knew men would walk, and try to confront them to have her. She was standing in the bus shelter on Lothian Road and it was around 23:30. There was a slight drizzle and it was darkish, when a man came into the shelter at the other end, and lit a cigarette, then turned and undid his flies and started to pee through a missing glass pane, ‘I could see everything he had, and he was big’. I stood silently, as there was no one else around, then he saw me for the first time. He had his cigarette in his mouth as he peed, and he turned his head to me, ‘Fucking hell son, I needed this, must have drank 10 pints’, and as he spoke the red tip on his cigarette glowed. ‘I’m not a boy’, I said, nervously, and then he rather stupidly asked who I was, as if being a girl was an impossibility. ‘I’m a girl’, I said f***efully, that was when he turned to me, still peeing,. "I didn't expect that! That was a huge admission. It also sounded a lot like total surrender. But I had to ask, "Gwen, you say you want me to love you again? But I have to wonder, did you ever really love me? You never showed it if you did. If you had it would have made all the difference in the world."Her eyes got wide and she exclaimed, "I ... Kenny I ... of course I love you! I married you!"I shook my head and responded, "You married me so that you'd have someone to take care of you, provide for you. What did you ever do for me? Name one thing you've ever done to demonstrate to me that you love me."She was silent for a moment. She was trying desperately to think of one thing she could point to, one thing that would have said to me that she returned my love. Several minutes passed in silence and then her shoulders slumped and she whispered, "I'm sorry."I'm not sure what she's apologizing for. Is she sorry she never loved me or is she sorry that she never did anything to let me know.
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