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Dad whisked Rick away for a round of golf and Mom and I stayed back to make Christmas cookies. Of course she had a hundred and twenty questions about Rick and a hundred and twenty reasons to be fearful of me “going steady” after such a short time. She was afraid he’d take me for my money. (He did well as a small business attorney.) She was afraid that if we got married that he’d cheat on me every chance he got just like my ex did. (It was Rick’s ex who did all the sleeping around before they divorced.) She made me promise that he’d get checked out before we decided to have sex. (We already covered that topic back in July.) By that point, I needed a vodka and lemonade – a double. Mom made a point of telling me that it was only three in the afternoon. Luckily, Mom and Dad turned in at nine o’clock. Rick and I headed for the TV room. Mom opened the door without knocking to wish us goodnight and left the door open when she left. Apparently, the “open door” rule from when Fred used to. Our drinks were hardly touched as we sat and looked at each other, talking with our eyes, saying what was deep in our hearts, but couldn’t say out loud. In that half hour of silence, we said what would have taken a week to speak. I never knew that the eyes could contain such a volume of words and convey that much understanding of the person to whom they were directed at. Our hands were touching and just the slightest of pressure laid bare our souls to each other. The wistfulness, the yearning, the longing, the hopes and the despair of two such as us. So close with only our fingers now touching that of the other, yet I was feeling and touching every part of her body, both inside and out, as she was mine. The eyes were saying what she was feeling in her heart, and mine were answering and saying what I never thought before possible. That I was capable of having so much love for another person that it simply flowed out from me with so much force that it hurt. Deeply hurt inside so much.
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