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"After that it was a succession of wives - always someone else's - and I swore that I would never marry again. If I needed a wife to get to Marie then it was never going to happen.Then one day Marie wasn't around anymore when I went into the restaurant. Her parents had been killed in an auto accident and suddenly she owned a restaurant that she had to run. She was always in the office or backroom and I hardly ever saw her, but when I did I always made it a point to let her know I still wanted a taste and she would always ask, "You married yet?"A couple of more years went by and then Marie's husband was killed. I didn't know the guy so the only thing it meant to me was that Marie no longer had to worry about rumors getting back to her husband. I'd give her some space to do her mourning and then I'd take my shot.Two months after her husband died I had to go out of town for six months on a job and when I got back it was to find Marie married and one month pregnant. I finally accepted the. What I remember most were the eyes. Dead eyes. Living eyes looking dead. Eyes appearing huge because of the emaciation of their bodies. It was strange to watch the other soldiers deal with this impossible-to-grasp reality. Some would turn hard, you could see their faces, their expressions, even their personalities change. Many would slip into denial. It was like going to Joyland as a kid, as soon as we got to the amusement park, our real lives were left behind. Others, too many of us, couldn’t deal with it at all. Some requested transfers to other units. Some drank. I was one of the drinkers. I had always liked a drink now and then, name a cop or soldier that didn’t. But now I had to have a drink to eat breakfast. I had to drink to go to sleep. I had to drink to stay asleep. I was haunted. I lost weight, I walked around in a daze. We were cut some slack, it was tough for everyone. Finally it came to a head. I was found in a drunken stupor while on guard duty. This couldn’t be.
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