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You've been single for about 21 years which is coincidentally how long you've been on this lonely, lonely earth and in this city. You like to tell yourself that you’re single due to a lack of trying but in reality you’re just fucking useless.The only sexual accolade you have to your name is losing your V-card to Jennifer Gould at 18, you’d been close friends for years and on the night before she moved to the continental frontier she finally got sick of your dawdling and made a move for you. It was one of the best nights of your young life and gave you a feeling that you’ve desperately missed since. Sadly you’ve never heard from Jennifer again after that night, life must be hard out there, or that’s what you tell yourself.The overwhelming lonely feeling crushing you, distracting you from work and compounding your anxiety eventually compelled you to sign up for a dating agency. Surprisingly the agency ranked you highly on the looks scale, describing you as a “Good looking young man. "It seems a couple began anal intercourse during their dating in college, and were never able to make the transition to genital congress after they were eventually married. Rather than switch, they adopted children." "Hear, hear!" a drunken Jason bolted from his chair and exclaimed. "Let's see 'Dear Abby' or 'Cosmopolitan' top that!" "Precisely, my dear Jason," the equally tipsy Dr. Feather said. "Information like this is exactly why The SEX. Report is going to be on top of the best-seller list for months!" We all cheered at that estimation, proud to be part of such certain success. Then, the good doctor laid a little bit more on the assemblage."I'm sure that you'll all be interested to know that the length of the average respondent's penis Is... He teasingly paused. It was a master stroke, because all of us had bolted upright in our seats in anticipation."Eight and three-quarters inches," he broke the hush that had fallen over the crowd. "Slightly two and a half inches more than had.
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