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Fun in bed after afew drinks, I could manage that.. I sat down beside him, he smiled thentook a swig of his beer. I opened the wine and topped up my glass. Wewatch some tv and talked about school days catching up on what we hadmissed."I still remember that day you asked how big I was, ad the always lookingat me in the shower. I bet you used to wank about me every night." Well I..." It's ok, I don't mind. I wanked about you nearly every night too. Youweren't the only one looking in the shower.". He took another swig of hisbeer then turned to watch the tv again."I always wanted to do more or web touch you." Like this?" he said as he placed his hand firmly on my crotch. He startedto squeeze as my cock for harder. I couldn't speak, I didn't try. I don'twant him to stop and he didn't. He held my hard cock through my track suitbottoms firmly in his right hand. "let's go upstairs, I can't wait anylonger" he said letting go of my cock.I led the way up to my room turning on the. I'll know, and it has the potential to hurt. A high potential. And I can take physical pain, I can ignore that, but I can't take the emotional pain. I can't fight it. And I'll do anything to avoid it. But I can't keep going like this, my mom's word burrowing deeper into my brain, sowing these pessimistic seeds of doubt. And Carly notices my long looks at her, she senses that I'm almost constantly on the verge of saying something to her. But I can't.I want to, but I can't.Even as we head to bed, I'm fighting myself. Should I? Shouldn't I? Even as I slip under my blanket, even though I'm wide awake, fidgeting restlessly.I toy with a loose thread on the blanket, chewing my lip. No. I have to do it now. I stand, the blanket slipping from me. No. I can't. What if- I shake my head.I have to.I take a deep breath, pausing at the foot of the stairs. Once I do this... there's no coming back. Once it's done, it's done. It is what it is.I swallow hard. Hardly words of encouragement. But be.
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