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Fired up my old ’98 Dodge ½ ton, and turned on the classic country station, the one that played Hank, Merle, and Coe. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I sent up a prayer for God to help me get one step closer to my dream. 0432 here comes a middle-age looking fellow carrying his own mug of coffee. ‘This must be HIM’, I think to myself. ‘Well, no time like the present.’ climbing from behind the wheel of the, now rapidly cooling, truck I finish the last swallow of java, and head towards him. ‘Back straight, eyes direct, handshake firm.’, my mantra is on repeat in my brain. As I get closer his face takes on a strange shape, then nearly splits in two as he starts laughing! ‘Cantankerous my ass!’ I think to myself, only I could hear it above his laughter… ‘SHIT! Have I been talking out loud this whole time?!’ ‘Yup.’ he says barely forming the words for the smile on his head. ‘Well. So much for confident, huh?’ ‘You’re doin’ jus fine son. An’ early to boot! You just owned your screw-up,. “She called the police,” I yelled. All four of us jumped down from the wall, grabbed our shoes and took off running. We reached Josh’s car out of breath. Fortunately, he had a spare set of keys hidden behind the back license plate. We all piled in. Sonja pulled out her cellphone. Where the fuck had she hidden that? She placed a quick call and hung up. We had gotten maybe six blocks when we heard the siren. Then we saw the lights. Oh, shit. Josh pulled over. “License and registration please,” said the officer. He looked to be about our age, so maybe he’d give us a break. No luck. “We’ve had a report of drunk driving. Step out of the car, please.” Josh was completely naked. His little soldier had deserted to the enemy and was cowering in terror. This did not look promising. “You, too.” He was talking to me. I wasn’t driving, why did I have to get out of the car? “Are you fucking deaf, or what?” The officer was pissed off big time. “I told you to get out of the car, dickwad.” I got out.
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