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I could see the pain it caused in her, but she seems to endure it anyway.Never has she done the same to me. Never ever. I lived life by my rules, and she lived her life by her rules. That’s fair. I just had a hard time understanding her being loyal by her rules, while I lived by very different rules. But I have never asked this of her; she gives it freely.Don’t get me wrong. After Jenny, I’d felt love, in some capacity, for almost every woman I’d slept with. I wasn’t sleeping around to get my rocks off, as they say. It happened once in a while, but it was very rare.In all the years I have slept with women who loved me, and there were a lot of them, I had never seen a smile radiating the contentment as the one now on Jenny’s face. I pulled her even closer to me and kissed her passionately on the lips. Somewhere in there she started to respond, and when we finally broke the kiss and I backed away, her eyes fluttered open. Both of us were breathing irregularly.Naturally, I responded. Nolan's family and their friends were thrilled with the announcement oftheir engagement. And for a few days Gina was thrilled also. Thensomething happened, something she could never explain. She got scared.She wondered if she could really be wife and eventually a mother? Sheknew that this was always a possibility when she became Gina, and at timesshe had wanted both. But now the possibility seemed more than apossibility. It seemed like a definite reality.Gina wanted to talk to someone, but who could she talk to? Who wouldunderstand? Who would believe her? She could talk to Thomas, but would heunderstand? Did he have the experience of living both genders? Ginaconcluded that Thomas could help her only in an academic sense. Hecouldn't relate to Gina on an emotional levelGina kept up good front. Nolan didn't suspect that his fianc? was havingsecond thoughts. However, she wasn't sure how long she could hide herfears from Nolan. She knew that she needed to do something or else.
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