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I used to think of Ethan as a piece of me. An extension of self that I needed; but now I think I felt that way because it wasn't Ok for me to want things. Like, I only ever deserved what I needed. Not anymore. Almost overnight I feel -- quite comfortably -- that it's totally fine for me to want things. And absolutly to be expected that I should get what I want.Speaking of things I want; Hayden (god his name is so fucking stupid I hate to even write it) finally came back to work today after being gone for three days. I don't flatter myself that it was the pain of my rejection keeping him away, I'm sure it was just the awkwardness. I have a feeling that if he wasn't so new, and this place wasn't such a fantastic resume-entry for him, that he would have quit over it and gone somewhere else.I walked past his desk intentionally a few times just to watch him squirm. I think he went shopping to make himself feel better (fag), because he was wearing a new jacket. I complimented him on it and. .. it'll require a little, shall we say, social engineering, to get the ball rolling." And why would you want to help me, Kyra?" Let's just say I'm more impressed by your determination than your non-existent credentials. And, it could be that while you were busy undressing me with your eyes, I might just have been doing the same to you. I appreciate a man who keeps himself in shape, and it's been... lonely."Kyra was magnificent in the flesh. They had just finished sharing a bar of soap. "But I'm all dirty and sweaty," he had responded to her suggestion that he pop up to her hotel room for a nightcap. That had turned out not to be a problem when she invited him into the shower stall with her. "Of course," he had laughed, "save water, shower with a friend." Water conservation wasn't exactly what I had in mind," she'd said."Now, soap me up down there. Ooh, that tickles. Gently between my legs, please."When he stooped to do her down below, she grabbed his head and hugged it tightly.
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