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The silence in the room grew to oppressive levels - Helen dislikes radio and television, and although we have both in the house she rarely allows either one to be turned on. Even so I was very careful not to fidget or distract my wife in any way. Instead I concentrated my attention on her. Lately Helen has taken to avoiding giving me direct instructions for some tasks, instead indicating what she wants with a certain expression, a raised eyebrow or slight gesture with the eyes. She says it's an important step, teaching me to focus on her to the exclusion of everything else. Most men, upon first meeting my wife, tend to think that she is somewhat plain. She is tall and quite slender, almost skinny in fact, but whilst there is a careful, controlled manner to the way she does everything she is not a graceful woman. Her shock of hair is so red it is almost orange, and tends to be an unruly mess despite her best efforts - something that is a cause of considerable irritation to her,. Shetalked about not having any idea of how to do housework or decorate orcook or anything. She said she felt like a failure and how her husbandcouldn't hide his disappointment in her and how their relationship wasbecoming strained as a result. She explained that was why she took thecooking and sewing classes where I met her ? she was desperate to tryanything to become a better homemaker.She was starting to pour herself a third glass of wine, but I gently putmy hand on hers and told her I didn't think more wine was a good idea.She admitted that she had recently been drinking more as a way to escapefrom these feelings of helplessness and failure.I felt so bad for her. Here was this pretty, generous, friendly girlfeeling so bad about herself. It was clear to me that she wasn't stupidor lazy, just, well, a bit lost. She didn't know how or where to beginto get her home set-up in a way she and her husband could be proud of andenjoy. And she had no one to show her the way.Maybe I.
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