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“I drew two circles like this: oO. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison...”This is compliments of J & BJust some DEEP thoughts for 2017• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.• My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.• The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.• My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 lbs I’ve gained since then.• I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”• The speed with which a woman says “nothing”, when asked “What’s wrong?”, is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.• Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in. If the Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs or the police got wind of the scam, there would doubtless be hell to pay.I smiled with the realisation that I now possessed all the information necessary to assure Raymond's compliance. I was even tempted to increase my demands.Olivia and Gemma finally reappeared. Olivia was dressed in her school uniform and looked slightly nervous. Her hair had been tied back in a ponytail and there was only a hint of makeup. The net result made her appear years younger. She could have been fifteen years old, maybe even less, but definitely more than thirteen."I've brought you a pretty little girl," Gemma advised. "I thought you might like her."Olivia approached apprehensively and I detected a certain degree of theatre in their actions. I decided to play along.When she was within arm's reach, I pulled her into my lap and wrapped an arm around her slim waist. Gemma produced the SLR and started taking pictures. I kissed Olivia tenderly whist fondling her.
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