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Youre supposed to do what you want to me, thats why Im tied up, remember? Ashley said trying to comfort me. Still feeling like shit, I lay down in the bed next to her and cuddled up, squeezed her tight and kissed her forehead. Im sorry I said again, as I got up out of the bed and left to find whoever was next. Out in the kitchen Mike was getting a drink. Your turn, I said, as I walked pass him. Oh and give her a big kiss when you get in there. I said, knowing that he would taste my juices on her mouth. Her mouth? Shit, more like her entire face. Still disgusted with myself, I went out to the pool and dove in, halfway wishing I could just drown in there, but the basic need for air came, and I had to surface. As I was wiping the water from my eyes, a huge splash, wave, and rain of water came down on me. I turned to look what the hell just happened as Johns hands touched my body and he surfaced. He pulled me to him as I instinctively wrapped my legs around him and sat on his soft. Her fathered called them spankings, but she remembered then as beatings. Made to lay across a bed with her bottom bare, he hit her over and over with his belt until she was screaming. After he finished all he said was, "Don't you ever do that again, or you'll get it twice as bad next time." I still resent my father for having done that to me. Yes I deserved to be punished for what I did, but not beaten. As a child, I feared him, as an adult I came to accept and give him respect, but only to conditionally love him. I still cannot forgive him for those beatings. No one will do that to me again, not Craig, or anyone. How could Craig want to inflict pain like that on me and say he loves me? What else don't I know about him? Could I ever trust him again? Confused and mad the tears finally began to roll down her cheeks. Soon she was sobbing as the conflict between her heart and brain became deeper, widening the chasm between them, that she was afraid she would never be able to bridge. * .
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