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I named it my ‘White Place’.By unknown means I became aware of another presence, but it was far, far away. As time passed, I became convinced that it was Jo. What did that mean? Were we both alive, both dead or both in some sort of limbo?I felt a growing pressure to be somewhere else but I resisted.Being somewhere else would be like opening the box containing Schrodinger’s cat: I would definitely be either alive or dead. I didn’t want to be dead because I wasn’t convinced there was an afterlife. But even if I were returned to the land of the living, that was also unlikely to result in a good outcome: Mr Calhoun had driven his truck into a barn instead of rushing Jo to the hospital, and I couldn’t think of a way that ended well for her. And I had disobeyed my mum, so she would be angry with me.I missed my family and friends, but I valued the security and protection of wherever I was.Time passed, although I had nothing to measure it by. The pressure grew and grew, but I was afraid of. Sure, I might want to marry you, but you can’t be that sure about me yet.’ I knew she was right. She hammered home the point. ‘I know I stop every time we pass a jeweler’s window and look at engagement rings with you, but it’s too soon.’ She sat up. ‘Maybe your new assignment is a good thing for us. The six months you’re going to be mostly away, at least until that new division is working all right, will give you the time to be sure I’m really the one for you. We’ll be together nearly every weekend, and sometimes, when Ted takes the kids, I’ll be with you during the week.’ Ted is her ex husband, and he likes to take the kids for weeks at a time sometimes. It works out well: they both live in Lexington MA, their two kids go to the same schools they always have, and Ted would be happy to see Barbara remarry. ‘Hell, I’ll even pay for the honeymoon – it’ll turn off the alimony. But listen, Joe,’ he also said, ‘if you and Barbara get married, be sure it’s for fucking ever, both for her.
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