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It was the end of my firstweek and I was exhausted with the effort of making a good impression soThe Ship, undemanding, slightly seedy, was the perfect place. I was outof my apartment, away from the still packed cardboard boxes thatcontained the detritus of my life, but I didn't have to worry aboutactually being sociable. Or at least that had been the plan.I heard her before I saw her, a raucous cackle of a laugh that made mecringe inside as I turned and saw her silhouetted in the doorway. Short,and round was my immediate impression as I watched her wave someone offand then step into the bar. As the door closed and my eyes adjusted I gota better look at her and the word 'chav' swam to the front of my mind.She was short, overweight and wearing a tight neon pink dress that barelycontained her enormous breasts. I couldn't help staring as she walked upto the bar, balanced precariously on pink patent heels that must haveadded another six inches to her height. A flash of panic crept over. "It doesn't matter how big cocks are, it's what they do with them that matters."Shireen had heard that one before. "So it's not this big, then, with an enormous great big purple end?"Nicola pushed away her plate. Her sister's hands were at least a foot apart."In your dreams!" she snarled."How did you know?" Shireen gasped."Markie, for your information, has the smallest dick in the school," Nicola said through gritted teeth. "That's one reason why I'm seeing Kenny. Despite being of Scottish descent, Kenny's got a prick as big as ... as..." she rejected the salt and pepper pots and her abandoned giant sausage, looking round the room for something of comparable size to Kenny's redoubtable manhood - and failed. "He's fucking huge!" she finished weakly."Nicola! Please mind your language!" Their mother had come back in; God knows how much she had heard.The sisters scrambled up from the table and rushed off to get ready for school.Shireen placed a hand on her sister's sleeve."How long was.
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