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The housekeepercomplained so much about you today, I had to give her a raise.And don't forget to put the seat down. Men!"At the sound of that word, I finally snapped. The twisted ideathat had come into my head during my commute suddenly didn'tsound so crazy. Maybe our lives would never be the same, butanything would be better than the life I was living. I had somecomp time coming from the office, and tomorrow the wife anddaughter would be out most of the day. When they got home, we'dsee how they got by without a man around the house.I surveyed my sad reflection in the mirror above the vanity. Myhair was thinning and prematurely gray, but when I put on mywoman's wig, I looked years younger. When I dressed on the sly,I relied on female impersonators' tricks to cover up my bodyhair, but now I finally had an excuse to shave my legs. Myweight was up a few pounds, but a one-night fast would give mea girlish figure that the wife could only dream about.Emboldened by my plan, I tore off my. “I started off too fast,” I summarised, “and when it started to hurt, I was too stuck in a rhythm to slow down. And I was too busy trying to breathe to worry about where I was in the field.”“How close to the winner did you finish?” asked Terri.“I don’t really know. If I avoided disqualification for missing the checkpoint, I estimated I finished somewhere between tenth and twentieth. I didn’t realise there was only one runner in front of me until the award ceremony.”“Was that officially photographed?” asked Mum. “It would be nice to have copies since we weren’t able to see it in person.”“I think so but I’ll check with Coach Budd. If he doesn’t know, he should be able to find out.”Thankfully the grilling eased off for rest of the meal although I wasn’t sure how convinced my family were with my recounting of the race: it didn’t sound very credible to me, but then I knew how much I’d left out.Having done my homework at school, I had the rest of the evening free. Although I wasn’t happy.
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