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Flashbacks, hallucinations, dreams as well as nightmares or even that feeling you get thinking something is not right. They all live and grow deep within your subconscious mind. With John, somehow he had managed to combine his conscience with his subconscious mind. It may have been the rejection, he felt toward Terri. Carrie had even written it might have been when she entered his life.I had read that journal with hopes of helping John however, in doing so I learned something about myself instead. I was in the process of swapping my conscious mind for my subconscious one. In one, I was Cathy and in the other, I was Carrie. John saw me, as Carrie and he loved me as Carrie so my subconscious mind was taking over and turning me not only into Carrie for John but for myself as well. What scared me the most was something else that Carrie had written about this condition? She had read a case study on this phenomenon; it concerned a subject whom only lived life fully in the subconscious part. Carrying an extra pair of panties in my purse isn't exactly the answer I was looking for.I know you have class tonight. But can I see you after? I texted CJ.I'd love that! CJ replied. Usually out by 8. Pick you up at your house?Going shopping for a few things, obviously some new panties. Was thinking I could bring them over?That's right, Heather, my fitful mind started its condemnation. Why not give him a booty call? Just bring it to him. No dinner date. No limousine. My my, aren't we the little slut.Sounds great! CJ texted. Should be home by 8:30.Shopping isn't my favorite thing, but it was a decent distraction from the weirdness of my day. I picked out a few outfits that I could leave at CJ's - a dress, skirt, a few tops...more panties, obviously. My exchange with Kim had fucked up my head, and I needed to right the ship on my sexuality.I texted my dad, honoring his wishes by communicating my plans. He won't give me any grief as long as I get home safe and I'm able to be up for.
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