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“Just a moment, Miss Simpson. Mr. Fitzpatrick will take your call.”It was all Cliff could do to control his laughter. Not only was Sandy speaking in her haughtiest voice, but she was going the full route, putting Stephanie on hold.He picked up the phone and punched the line button. Quickly he held the phone out at arms length as Stephanie screamed into her instrument, “Clifford Fitzpatrick, don’t you dare do that to me again! You be on the phone when I pick it up, do you hear?”Cliff ignored the outburst. “Hi, Steph. What’s on your mind so early Monday morning? I’m surprised you’re in the office so early.”Her voice tone abruptly changed. Now she sounded like a little girl. “Cliffie, I missed you! Didn’t you miss me? I was thinking about keeping you warm Saturday night, but you didn’t even call. What were you doing?”“Steph, I’m glad you called. I was out Saturday night with the young lady I’m planning to marry. Obviously, it wasn’t you. I’m sorry to have to tell it to you this way, but. With a cute little sentence fragment.Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.A dyslexic walks into a bra.A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.*(I can’t take credit for these, but the malapropism is.
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