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I admitted this and could see a smile come on his face. Then I toldhim I was a boy, I was not a girl and did not want to be a girl. Hesighed and told me I knew where he was if I needed him.On my way out from school, everyone was staring at me and giggling. Somewere whispering I was the one with the pink panties. Others were braveenough to come up to me and ask me if I was a girl. I wished the schoolhallways were not so long and there were so many children in them. Ididn't answer any of them. I just marched towards the front door. Iwanted to get out and go home and hide myself.The strange thing is that John stood there behind others. He had hishands in his pocket and leaned against the wall and just stared. He didnot say a word. That was a relief.When I came home, my mom looked like a pink monster, with all the painton her. She wanted me to see my newly painted room. I looked at the pinkon her and my heart started to beat fast. She did not paint my room pink?Surely she must also have. . see, I always had this idea, this image of sex as . . . something special, something unique, to be shared between two people who really love each other.’ Julie stared at me. ‘It can be that way,’ she said. I nodded. ‘I know. And it’s been that way for me . . . a few times.’ Julie didn’t say anything, waiting for me to continue. I put down my chopsticks and reached for my cigarettes. I lit one, breathing out smoke. I wondered why I was so nervous. Maybe it was because I had never really thought about the journey I had begun until that moment. ‘But I found out, pretty quickly,’ I continued, pulling on my cigarette. ‘Sex can be something else. It can be a tool. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.’ ‘I don’t think that way,’ Julie said. I cocked my head. ‘You sure?’ She frowned. ‘I’m not like you,’ she said emphatically. I scoffed, defensive. ‘Every woman is like me, at least once in a while.’ Julie ground her teeth. Now she was uncomfortable, looking down. She poked at her stir fry.
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