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He leaned over and whispered to me- ‘Tell her I’m not here.’ I palmed the ten and looked him in the eyes as I spoke into the phone. ‘Ma’am, he said to tell you he’s not here.’ His eyes were as big as marbles. I chuckled into the phone. ‘Ma’am? He’s right here. Sorry about what I said, it’s just bartender humor. I’m gonna give him the phone now, try not to be upset if he’s a little late coming home. He was actually leaving when I asked him to help me out. I’m new here and he helped me with a few questions. Before I give him the phone, how about coming by with him Friday night? The first drink’s on me. I just want to see if you’re as pretty as he says. Here’s your husband now. What? Yes, I’ll tell him. Bye.’ I hung up the phone and pointed at a sign posted behind the bar. It was one of the first things I did when I went to a new bar. The sign said ‘IF YOU’RE HERE, YOU’RE HERE. NO EXCEPTIONS’ I handed him back the ten. ‘Boy, I just saved your ass. Now instead of being upset she’s gonna. He'd rarely ever visited London in his life before, but this unremarkable dilapidated suburb near the M40 motorway and serviced by the Metropolitan Line was so far out from the more famous sights of London that it was almost no different from living in an outer suburb of Exeter. But at least it was safe from Hen Flu: a disease whose tortuous path from its origins in Uruguay or Uzbekistan (depending on who you spoke to) was most keenly felt in England's South Western counties.Once upon a time, this would have been a model estate in the Borough of Hillingdon, but the area was now somewhat tatty and in places derelict. His neighbours were scarcely wealthy, but mostly they had jobs and their homes were well looked after. The area wasn't sufficiently wealthy enough for there to be security guards or an electrified fence, so most people protected their homes behind metal doors secured by countless locks and steel bars. Nevertheless, even these weren't a guaranteed deterrent from the most.
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