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Before long, I was listening to Orlie's introduction of the Club's speaker of the week.That would be me.Orlie had done her homework, and she told the Boosters, step-by-step, about my 8th-round college draft by the Dodgers, the years with Los Angeles (OK, Albuquerque), then the Minnesota Twins (spelled R-O-C-H-E-S-T-E-R), then Tampa Bay (Durham), and now, my rebirth as an Oriole. Orlie made it all sound like a trip to Disney World, but at least she wasn't patronizing or condescending to any degree. It was a professional job of introducing a speaker as positively as possible.I stood up, arranged my notes on the little rostrum, and got started. "Y'know," I began, "Brian Roberts was going to talk to you about life as a major-league ballplayer. But he couldn't be here today. Brian's spent more time in the shower at Camden Yards than I've spent in the majors for my whole career, so if you don't mind, we're going to have to change the topic of the day."I got the expected cheap laugh with. "Well, Melissa, you're one of the girls, now." Thanks for the reminder. Did my sister pay you to do that?" Benremarked while he put his head down.Serena laughed at him as she said, "Don't pout. You've got to keepyour head up." That's easier said than done when your body is being dragged forwardby dead weight," Ben rejoined as he cupped his weighty, faux bosoms."Oh, stop bitching," Serena retorted.Ben closed his eyes and stared at the ceiling, realizing that that wasall he was doing. He was making excuses when he was the kind of personthat did not believe in making them.Ben told her she was right before he started into the kitchen. Ben wasrelieved to find that his hips made it through the middle of thekitchen, however, barely. He pivoted on his heels and started to putaway the groceries.As he took a step back, Ben felt his butt pressing into a handle,causing him to jump forward and force his enlarged stomach into thecounter before him. Serena could not help but laugh at the sight.
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