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It was heavenly.“Thank. You.” My voice was a whisper. Every word hurt my chest. The resonance point in my throat was so far out of reach it may as well have been on the moon.Yael’s lips brushed my cheek, stroked my hair.“Lunch soon,” the nurse said. “But first we’re going to get you to that chair.”I turned my head to the left. The nurse was pointing at a guest chair beside the bed. I moved my eyes back, looking distrustfully at the hoses still connected to me.“They have plenty of give; they’ll move with you. Half an hour.”It took me three minutes to move less than a meter.My legs worked fine. I knew I could walk. But the smallest motion felt like it would tear me apart inside, forcing me to limit progress to careful, tiny increments, each made with conscious, determined effort.The nurse was under one shoulder; Yael carefully held my right side. My bare feet shuffled on the cold hospital floor, inches at a time, leads and hoses swaying with every movement.I turned by degrees. Was. " Honey, I can't do that," I responded miserably. "I've been making the decisions, more or less, and look what I did to us this last time. What I did to you and John. What I got you into. I damn close to got you both killed! How can I trust myself? How can you trust me?" So you dump it on me?" she demanded. "Now it's all on my shoulders? Jack, I'm Johnnie's mom, not yours. I don't need two little boys, one's enough. For right now, at least, and anyhow I don't ever want you to be one of them. So we'll talk about it, you and I, and then we'll make the decision together, the way we always have." But—" Shut up," she said. We were sitting on the sofa, she leaned over and kissed me firmly. "Now. To start, it was both of us who made the choices with Estrada. You said let him take you, and I wouldn't even listen, so if what happened was anybody's fault it was mine. And you bailed me out, and you did it by killing three men which I know has been eating you away, so now let's start talking.
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