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I suppose that's a good thing though, as texting her would only enable me to do something eles with her. In the back of my mind, I knew it was wrong. Damn - - she was only thirteen years old too! Fuck - - what the hell is wrong with me? I know better, yet I acted on these choices. I must be somewhat mentally ill, or something, stuck inside the season of the sicness. And then a month prior to that, I totally took advantage of a young girl, who was even younger than Madison, in the woods with my dog Ghost. Fuck - -I'm totally going to hell for the sins I've done on this earth. Now, with all this in the open, and you know the shameful things I've done as a older single man - -what the fuck do I do now?? The knock on the door came as a surprise to me at first, as I lying on the couch, contemplating my life in review. I felt like I was going through a mid-life crisis, as I'm 40 years old now, and have no career, no wife, no house, and I just had to give my dog away as I couldn't even take. Allen said, “Wow, Jan, where did you find that one?”I said, “It was our first date. A “get-to-know-me” lunch date, if you know what I mean. I think I found out all I needed to know about him.” We both laughed.He asked, “So you’re still not married? Still chasing that dream?”I said, “Yeah, but it’s hard for a woman, especially if you’re an attractive woman. Every CEO wants to bed you and promise the rewards will be great if you do. I’m still working on getting there without the required sexual resume.” Again we both laughed.He said, “Jan, if I might be so bold, could I ask you out to dinner?”I said, “ I would love that, Allen.” I handed him my business card and said, “Call me” as I walked out.That day started the program for the next eight years. He discovered that he was still in love with me and I was sure I was in love with him. We married six months later. We were inseparable for 6 years, until we weren’t. My company had been grooming me for better things and I soared up the food.
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