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I raised then my head, and told him, in a soft tone, that tended to prescribe the same key to him, that his mamma was gone out and would not return till late at night: which I thought no bad hint; but as it proved, I had nothing of a novice to deal with. The impressions I had made on him from the discoveries I had betrayed of my person in the disordered motions of it, during his view of me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me, so fixed and charmingly prepared him, that, had I known his dispositions, I had more to hope from his violence, than to fear from his respect; and even less than the extreme tenderness which I threw into my voice and eyes, would have served to encourage him to make the most of the opportunity. Finding then that his kisses, imprinted on my hand, were taken as tamely as he could wish, he rose to my lips; and glewing his to them, made me so faint with overcoming joy and pleasure, that I fell back, and he with me, in course, on the bed, upon which I had, by. I know that sounds weird, it was my dream after all to experiencewhat it would be like to be woman, at least that is what I thought Iwanted, but now that I am there I'm terrified of losing myself to it,losing who I was forever. If I lost who I was then who am I now, and if Ican't go back what future is there for me?"I can understand that," Lisa said softly."On top of that there was the constant anxiety I felt toward the impendingbirth, I was able to ignore it for a while, but well now." I said puttingmy hand to my ever growing abdomen."Both things together just kept growing and growing and when I saw thevideo all of these fears just overwhelmed me and I kind of lost it!" Iconfessed."I would imagine that most women would be anxious at the prospects ofgiving birth but I'm terrified!" I said wiping away the tears that werecoming to my eyes.Both mom and Lisa got up and joined me on the couch each one hold one ofmy hands."Its okay, Honey," Mom said softly putting her hand on my.
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